Conditions of Love, a book by John Armstrong, tackles all sorts of thorny interpersonal issues. With a deft hand the author transforms universally-felt sentiments we often can't explain with words into straightforward, sensible language; his skill is such that even the most complex ideas are rendered plain for us to relate to and enjoy. He also compares well-known philosophers' notions about life and love, and cites portrayals of romance from classic literature, all in an effort to paint a thoughtful picture of what love is and what exactly it means to us humans.
Among the many "aha" moments within the book, I found his two chapters about imagination and love to be the most revelatory. The first explores how imagination can play both a frivolous and eventually destructive role in a relationship; the second, how an imaginative mindset can lead us to see the positives in a person or situation that we couldn't otherwise. I aim to summarize the thrust of both chapters, and to show how that one power - imagination - can be used either for good or for evil within the context of love and relationships.
In the initial chapter, Imagination, we are given a visual metaphor: a twig left in a salt mine, now encrusted and glimmering with salt crystals. This roughly equates to the effect imagination may have on the object of our affection: "The original twig is no longer recognizable." (72) Or, as Armstrong puts it at the end of the chapter: "Though the process of crystallization, another person is perceived as perfectly fitting the template of our needs." (75) We imagine them to be bursting with wonderful qualities at the slightest provocation, whether or not this is really the case. This seems potentially fatal in a love affair, as the admired one's shortcomings will prove a rude awakening the instant they inevitably rear their head.
Imagination can also contribute to what Armstrong terms "falling in hate," (75) when the tiniest, most inadvertent action can be built up into a whirlwind of indifference and neglect by the offended party. "When we see the [toothpaste] cap off again we see - by the power of imagination - a symbol of a way of life. It is a general tendency exemplified in a single instance." Truly, this is often a force of destruction in relationships. Saying "you always do this" or "you never do that" - expanding and exaggerating one small crime into a litany of carelessness and failures - makes one party feel blindsided and unjustly accused. The other party also suffers, for they are undermining a relationship on unreasonable grounds.
But what of the benefits of imagination? In Armstrong's second chapter on the subject, Imagination (Again), he casts it as a means of reaching a greater understanding of the other person. Here, "Imagination can be allied to acuteness of perception, rather than to distortion." (96) It's a talent that allows us to perceive good qualities in another which most people might miss; that is, of course, very different from inventing them altogether. A person whose appearance or attributes at first seem only average "can flower under the imaginative attention of a lover's eye."
This can also deepen love in another way. Armstrong draws a parallel between appreciating your lover and appreciating a painting: "Our favorite works of art are often those whose less obvious charms yield themselves to the particular tendencies of our imagination." (97) In other words, for what we alone appreciate we also feel a certain possessiveness and devotion. It means more to us, and belongs to us, because we perceive the "secret" charm therein. Our individual imagination has therefore served us well in the pursuit of love and true understanding.
Armstrong's two-pronged look at the role of imagination in love exemplifies his approach to his subject throughout the book. He takes into account various perspectives in order to reach balanced, rational conclusions. However deeply we claim to know ourselves, we are governed by motives that are at times mysterious even to us; Armstrong's methodical, intuitive writing style helps bring these mysteries into the light, teaches us wisdom, and allows us to exercise more control over our own happiness.
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